she's eighteen:) she rocks the streets of pburg with her jeans tshirtand pastry shoes. her family is her life. she likes to drink usually only vodka from her styrofoam cups.
just for you!
I wish someone would tell me something incredibly profound. I wish my heart would beat beat beat in time with theirs and things I want to say wouldn't get caught in my throat like my hair gets caught in my fingers and ties itself into knots. I wish the voice in my head didn’t say the things it does, because of all the people I can trust in the world I shouldn't be one of them. That's why I listen to music louder than the sounds of the late-night television programs like poker competitions and bad films starring bad actors. And in the middle of the cacophony of sounds the only thoughts I can hear are the singer's, the whisperer's, the poet's, infinitely better and wiser. Wiser even than the stars. I bet they don't trust themselves either. I bet lots of people don't when they've fallen down the rabbit hole and felt a heartbreak or three. Boys didn't break my heart you know, I did. I break it all the time. I'm breaking it right now and I don't even know why.
pretty elites
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where style meets scandalous ♥
to finally have the only boy i actually ever liked/loved back with me. i was tired of pretending i wanted the others i dated. and i've been happy for nearly five months now. purge free for over four months, cut free for over three.
have you ever been this lonely? where you open up to anyone who comes along? it kills and it chills me to the bone but i'm not willing to always feel this alone. these arms are opened wide, my hearts got nowhere to hide as it's perched on my sleeve; the permanent home it'll never leave. a shimmer in my eye leads to a tear down my cheek, a constant reminder of how i'll always be weak. mistakingly i look down and all i see is flesh, i've been puking my brains out to get rid of that mess. my quick breath in permeates my lungs with smoke, oxygen long forgotten after lighting my cigarette and taking a toke. i'm a psychology students dream, but my own worst nightmare. ocd, depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, eating disorder.. shit i cover a years curriculum here. my mind is like a battle zone, a war no therapist could help me win. they've but trying for years but the fight won't give in. i wish it would, i want to be normal again but oddly this is normal for me, i've been like this since before i was ten. always hurting myself because deep down i know i deserve it, but wondering why and if i'll ever be able to quit. what makes a 9 year old scar up her innocent porcelain skin? and why did she go to extremes at thirteen to rid of her double chin? how come people always walk out on her and leave her alone, making it so the broke world inside of her head feels like home; a place she can curl up inside of to make everything go quiet, where she plasters smiles on her face, hoping everyone will buy it. why is this still dragging on? oh, because paper listens more and judges less, hun. i just wanted somebody to hug me and listen while i cried, but nobody ever would no matter how hard i tried. and now it's getting harder to hold on and be strong, i'm trying to be happy but it's been so god damn long. sometimes i feel like i should get over myself, like i'm just another teen angst ridden pity part. but it's really not that true, only a rare few know this side of me. occasionally you'll catch a glimpse when it hurts too bad to act like i'm okay, but as soon as a tear starts to fall you can bet your bottom dollar it'll be wiped away. of course there are those times when the loneliness tears me apart, after it travels through my bones and feeds upon my heart. those times are horrible to witness, i'd have to say. i cry so hard i don't recognize my own sobs, my eyelids swell shut by the next day. i'm sorry if i'm plaguing you with the innards of my soul, but i'm trying to grasp on to anything i can control. everything's been spiralling, it's always falling down. i feel like a queen who got robbed of her crown. but it's okay, everybody. i know how to act strong. i'll strap a mask on my face, it's what i've been doing all along. for once i thought happiness had found it's way to me, but as quick as it came it decided to set me free. so here i sit, pouring my heart into inanimate objects that don't talk back, secretly i'm scared they'll grow mouths and remind me of what i lack. i'm trying to get better, it really is true. but i don't know how i'm going to do it without you.
aaron is important, and not insignificant. i lied yesterdayyy <3 my makeup looks hella good and i cant even like take a pictureee cause i completely lost my camera. my fake nails look mad good though. i don't know what to say about today, nothing really happened. just my mom pissed me off more. but whatever. i can deal haha. i miss my boo. justin and i fought again today. i'm done talking to him, but i don't want to be. i don't knowww. i just hate giving up on people. i'm bored, kind of. and completely over my moms overprotectiveness. it like, needs to die now. mainly because she didn't do this shit with my past boyfriends. it's just annoying and ridiculous. oh yeah, my mouth is more beastly than aarons. mm, step right up by rja? godly <3 im mad fuckin bored and waiting for my phone to chargeeeeeeee, kthx. my hairs dead at the ends. fucking hairdye haha.
step right up, shoot an arrow at the target; my heart is an easy thing for you to win.
she's eighteen :) she rocks the streets of pburg with her jeans tshirtand pastry shoes. her family is her life. she likes to drink usually only vodka from her styrofoam cups. 
